‘Twas the night before Christmas — the very last one –
When the blazing of lasers destroyed all our fun.
Just as Santa had lifted off, driving his sleigh,
A satellite spotted him making his way.
The Star Wars Defense System — Reagan’s desire
Was ready for action, and started to fire!
The laser beams criss-crossed and lit up the sky
Like a fireworks show on the Fourth of July.
I’d just finished wrapping the last of the toys
When out of my chimney there came a great noise.
I looked to the fireplace, hoping to see
St. Nick bringing presents for missus and me.
But what I saw next was disturbing and shocking:
A flaming red jacket setting fire to my stocking!
Charred reindeer remains and a melted sleigh-bell;
Outside burning toys like confetti they fell.
So now you know, children, why Christmas is gone:
The Star Wars computer had got something wrong.
Only programmed for battle, it hadn’t a heart;
‘Twas hardly a chance it would work from the start.
It couldn’t be tested, and no one could tell,
If the crazy contraption would work very well.
So after a trillion or two had been spent
The system thought Santa a Red missile sent.
So kids dry your tears now, and get off to bed,
There won’t be a Christmas — since Santa is dead.

-DaijoubuKun